Lousiana Thoughts...

For the most part, all is well in the world. I ate a plethora of catfish last night from easily the best eating establishment on the planet...Mike's Catfish House. Hanging out with the family. The only negative was watching the beloved New Orleans Saints likely see their playoff chances go down the drain with a loss to Philly. Oh well. Some observations from Louisiana:

*Had a friend recently tell me how amazed he was at the # of carts in the parking lot of the local Wal-Mart...and thusly NOT in the shopping cart return area. Amazing. I counted 6 in the cart return area last night and 25...count em 25 in various places over the parking lot. Insanity! There's got to be some sociological conclusion from this.

*A "cold front" moved through last night and "plummeted" the temperature to a high of 52 degrees today. I saw a kid in the store today wearing a hoodie with a Texas Longhorn sweatshirt...he seemed to be freezing...and strangely none of that seemed to surprise me in light of the sweatshirt:}

*I'm 1/5 of the way through the standard Oak Grove Louisiana food "extravaganza". This includes...catfish from Mike's....chicken from the Chicken Basket....pizza from Johnny's....Boiled Peanuts (yes I'm serious and yes they're phenomenal) from the market...and last but not least the best ice cream in the world at Mer Rouge Louisiana. If I get 3 of 5...it's an average trip. If I get 5 of 5 (done this only once) then it's a record breaker. We'll see.

*Jon Green turned me onto the "Advent Conspiracy" (www.adventconspiracy.org). Great, great stuff. We delved a bit into it at DC. We live in a society of excess. I've found myself being more and more frustrated with having to think of things to put on the list of "Things I Want for Christmas". Advent Conspiracy is an idea that suggests we should give gifts that build community and give 10-20 % less gifts so that we can give to support an organization or a person that really needs the help. I challenged the crew at DC to do this and share the stories when we reconvene on January 9. Really simple but revolutionary idea. Could be an e-mail. Could mean forgiving. Could mean giving money to (fill in the blank) charity. Could mean giving money or gifts to (fill in the blank) family or person to enhance their season. We live in a very consumeristic culture (you don't realize how much that's true until you've been overseas) and I'm coming to believe the message of Jesus is very counter-culture. That's all I've got for now. Looking forward to tackling the chicken front tonight!

Christmas Musings....

It's been a bit since I posted....obviously. Raeg and I are heading to Lousiana Friday night thru next Wed. Back for 2 days then off to NW Nebraska for New Years. (Have I mentioned the lovely little invention called XM Radio!) Anyway, I plan to post a bit more over the holidays. Had a friend (www.timstout.com) create this video from the Goo Goo Dolls song 3-4 years ago for a gig I was doing at another church. Good stuff...methinks. Incidentally, I'm reading "Everything Must Change" by Brian McLaren currently...great read. I hope that you have a phenomenal Holiday season. I hope that the gifts you give and receive build stronger relationships and community.

DC-Freedom From Fear

*What are the real fears in my life? How much do those fears affect my job, relationships (spouse, children, friends, God), and how I see myself? What does scripture mean when it says "there is no fear in love" (1 John 4)? We're diving into the heart of these questions and more in the series "Freedom From Fear".

DC meets every Wed night from 7-8:30 at the location below.


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Creative...Creating...Creation

"For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God."
-Romans 8:20-21

"He is the image of the invisible God,
the firstborn of all creation."
-Colossians 1:15

"In the beginning, God created"
-Genesis 1

"I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope
Inside of me

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

When children have to play inside
so they don't disappear
When private eyes solve marriage lies cause
we don't talk for years
And football teams are kissing Queens
and losing sight of having dreams."
-Train "Calling all Angels"



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"You can spend your whole life buildin'
Somethin' from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway."
-Martina McBride "Anyway"



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"God created mankind in His own image
(likeness, resemblance)."
-Genesis 1:27

"ktisis"
- Greek word for creation meaning "the act of creating"

I'm coming to believe that we are most alive and in touch with life as God intended when we are creative and creating. I'm chewing on this thought a great deal these days. There is something incredibly deep and divine about being in the process of creating things that bring life. I've come to believe that there are things deep in our hearts created there by God through our life experiences, personalities, relationships, etc. When we really touch those things, we create life.

You could say we co-create life.

I look at my life both now and in the past and I'm realizing that the times that I've felt most alive are the times where I've been involved in creating. The Greek word is ktisis (pronounced "cat-tee-sis") meaning "the act of creating". It's a broad word. It involves creating and creation in all things. Creating in myself. Creating in my family. Creating in my life. Creating in the world at large. All of the act of creating flows from the inner depths of my heart.

What would it be like to be a "ktisis" community? What would it be like to be a person that is pursuing "ktisis" and life in myself and others? What if we are most aware of the "kingdom of heaven at hand" when we are ktisis from the depths of us? What am I creating in my life right now and in the lives around me? Who are the people that inspire the "ktisis" in you? Places? Movies? Songs? What would your life look like if you created more "creating"? Thoughts...comments...observations...holla back on any of the above.

There is no spoon

"All in all you're just another brick in the wall."
-Pink Floyd "Another Brick In the Wall"




"Fear has with it the thought of punishment"
1 John 4

"What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world (all that the world has to offer and it's lies) and forfeits his soul (who he essentially is)."
-Jesus

*Fear keeps me from being who I am and becoming who I am. It fleshes out in a variety of different ways, but at the end of the day...it's fear.

*We often evaluate the risk of doing (fill in the blank "risk"). We rarely, if ever, evaluate the risk of doing nothing.

*Give me any person that life is working for them and you will see someone who walked through fear recently. Maybe it was 1 month...6 months...1 year ago. That person got to a place in their life where the dissatifaction of their life was louder than the lies keeping them stuck.

*I was sitting with Jerry and Steve recently talking about this topic over coffee. My latte was bumped and spilled a bit on the table. My thought was to put something over it...cover it up. Eventually, I cleaned it up. There is a difference between cleaning up and covering up. In order to really walk through fear...to clean up things in my life...I have to acknowledge that it's messy. I have to acknowledge that it's there and it's influence. If I just cover it up...I don't want to acknowledge it. Denial....is fueled.......by fear.

*The real question is what is the magnitude of fear in my life? Relationships? Job? Addictions? Life Choices?

*What would my physical life, emotional life, relational life, financial life, spiritual life look like if I pursued what God had put on my heart to pursue? What keeps me from pursuing it?

*Imagine being out in a field and seeing in the distance a large wall. As you walk closer, you notice more and more people camped out on this side of the wall. The wall seems endlessly high and long. As you get closer, you feel that it's a big deal. You hear voices whispering things that are specific to you and make you hesistate to go further. What would those voices be for you? You get closer the voices get louder...but you keep walking. There are so...many...people...who quit walking. Strangely as you get closer to the wall....it seems to fade. The voices are really loud. The wall seems to be disappearing.

"As long as you're struggling, like the Pharisee, to be alive in your own eyes--and to the precise degree that your sturggles are for what is holy, just, and good--you will resent the apparent indifference to your pains that God shows in making the effortlessness of death the touchstone of your justification. Only when you're finally able, with the tax collector, to admit that you're dead will you be able to stop balking at grace.

It is, admittedly, a terrifying step. You will cry and kick and scream before you take it, because it means putting yourself out of the only game you know. For your comfort though, I can tell you three things. First, it's only a single step. Second, it's not a step out of reality into nothing but a step from fiction into fact. And third, it will make you laugh out loud at how short the trip home was. It wasn't a trip at all: you were already there. Coffee, anyone?"

-"Between Noon and Three" by Robert Farrar Capon

Dr. Paul Fitzgerald Speaking at DC this Wed Night!

Dr. Paul Fitzgerald (check out his blog on the right) of Heart Connexion Ministries is speaking at DC this Wed Night. We're in the middle of a series called "Freedom From Fear". DC meets each Wednesday Night at the Henry Home. Details are below.

When: Wednesday Nights (7-8:30 PM)
Where: Henry Home
14606 S. Alden
Olathe, KS 66062

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Anyone is welcome.

Bumper Sticker...

Had a friend give this bumper sticker to me at DC last week. I'm thinking about making t-shirts. It makes me smile!

Freedom From Fear

We're starting a series this Wednesday at DC called "Freedom From Fear". What are the real fears I have? How have those fears limited my life? How have they impacted how I see God, how I think God sees me, and how I think God sees everyone? When we deal with fear...we deal with the "why" of things. When we deal with the "why" we can begin to understand and heal and change in the direction and heart of Christ. At DC, we use a variety of tools to help people engage and discover God's heart and theirs in life-changing and community-oriented ways. Music, teaching (me, Paul Fitzgerald, etc.), video, questions, processing, experiential exercises, communion, and other tools are avenues that we might use to help us understand and experience the heart of the message of God's love through Christ. Anyone is welcome. A children's room is provided. Check out the details and e-mail me with q's at pbhl@yahoo.com. Exemplary coffee and snacks will be provided as well.

When: Wednesday Nights (7-8:15 PM)
Where: Henry Home (map below)


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Honest Roads

"The more you see, the less you know.
The less you find out as you go.
I knew much more then, than I do now."

-U2 "City of Blinding Lights"



"God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
God: Now THAT'S a prayer."

-"Bruce Almighty"



"I wish to talk to you today not about technical matters of law. I wish to talk to you about something more important. I wish to talk to you from the heart. Because today ... for the first time in my life ... I stand before you -- naked ... vulnerable ... and in love. Love. It's a word we matrimonial lawyers avoid. Funny, isn't it? We're frightened of this emotion which is, in a sense, the seed of our livelihood. Well, today Miles Massey is here to tell you that love need cause us no fear. Love need cause us no shame. Love is ... good. Love is good. Now, I am of course aware that these remarks will be received here with cynicism. Cynicism: that cloak that advertises our indifference and hides all human feeling. Well, I'm here to tell you that that cynicism that we think protects us, in fact, destroys. Destroys love, destroys our clients, and ultimately destroys ourselves!"

-Miles Massey(George Clooney) in "Intolerable Cruelty"

"Beloved, let us love one another, because love comes from God and everyone that loves is born of God and knows Him. The one who does not love, does not know God because God is love....This is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us."

1 John 4

"Where we're going, we don't need roads."

-Back To The Future (Doc)

What I know to be true about God, gives me the freedom to pursue what I don't know.

God's love is bigger than my understanding of grace.

This season (2 years) of my journey is quite fascinating for me. For the first time in my life, I'm feeling the freedom to pursue and deal with questions that have been stirring in my heart for quite sometime. We can suppress those questions and pretend that they will go away or we can find safe places and people to process them. I don't think that most of us necessarily need answers to the questions...I think for the most part we just need to know that our questions matter and they are valid. We didn't "miss the boat" on some things. The very fact that we are created by a mysterious and incredibly loving God dictates that questions will be there. I think many of us have grown up in religious communities that don't enable or validate questions. We "figure it all out" because we trust the people who "figured it all out". The problem with this so often is that doesn't enable us to own our journeys. "Don't ask questions, just do it." The beauty is embracing my journey and embracing the mystery of it all.

Is God really omniscient(all-knowing)? Is He really omnipotent(all-powerful)? Is He really in control of everything? Does He have a perfect plan? Really? All valid and good questions that I'm feeling the freedom to journey on these days. If God knows everything, then He either creates people that He doesn't choose or He creates people that He knows won't choose Him. Interesting. Stretching. If He's in control of everything and He already knows what's going to happen in minute detail.....why pray? If God is something other than love, I doubt few of us would take or feel the freedom to journey down some of these honest roads. More and more I'm learning to embrace the mystery while enjoying the journey.

It's interesting to me that we have so many questions when we're young and often we are so enamoured with life. Somewhere along the way, we lose that journeying heart I think. We think that the more answers we get the more problems will be solved and the more of life that will be explained. Some of that is true. We get God "figured out" and then life happens. Our perspective of God doesn't fit reality and when we really feel free to think through things , it doesn't work....there's a crisis...and often we get a new box...maybe a bigger one, but still a box.

Here's my hope for you this season. I hope that you take and feel the freedom to journey and ask questions and think and process your heart. I hope that you know that in and through and from it all is a God who is madly in love with you. I hope that you know that literally "nothing can seperate you from His love which is in Christ". I hope you think of days in youth when you had more questions than answers....and were okay with it. I hope you have honest conversations with people in safe places with people who don't throw stones. I hope you embrace and dance in the journey.

Brian McLaren "Kingdom Of Heaven"

"Light"-Hearted

"Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear."

-Snow Patrol "Run"




"In Him was Life, and the Life was the Light of men. And the Light
shines on in the darkness, for the darkness has never overpowered it (put it out or absorbed it, is completely unreceptive to it)."

John 1:3-4

"As long as I am in the world, I am the world's Light."

-Jesus (John 9:5)

"You are the Light of the world."

-Jesus (to the crowd in Matthew 5:14)

"What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light."

-Jesus (Matt 10:27)

"I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who
accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up.
Ironically, that's not far from the truth."

-Morpheus (The Matrix)

"All my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes."

-"In Your Eyes" performed by Jeffrey Gaines




"For the wisdom of the (system of the )world is foolishness before God."

-1 Cor 3:19

Enlightened is such a fascinating word. Light is interesting enough. Jesus used the idea of light numerous times to describe the heart of who He was and the heart of His message. I've been thinking a great deal about this topic of light and life. (I'm sure a DC series is on the horizon:) There seems to be a direct correlation between the degree that we welcome light in our lives and the degree it permeates us. What would it look like to be people growing in en"light"ened hearts? What kind of light is this? Interrogating light? Shaming light? Embracing light? Irresponsible light? Loving light? Really? What are areas in your life that are not "enlightened"? Fears? Wounds? Shame? Hatred? Bitterness? What if real love (agape...love as God is) is light? Here's the thing... I think we know "light" moments and people when we see them and experience them. In conversations...in nature...in reading...in movies...in music...in "a look"...an embrace...a whispered thought...a letter...in silence...light can happen. Just a few thoughts on the journey. Much, much more to come on this topic down the road.

Curious Soul..Embracing Agape...Creating Life

"On the corner of main street
Just tryin' to keep it in line
You say you wanna move on and
You say I'm falling behind
Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?
The teenage queen, the loaded gun;
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One
A southern drawl, a world unseen;
A city wall and a trampoline
Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you jump
Tell me what you find when you read my mind

Slippin’ in my faith until I fall
You never returned that call
Woman, open the door, don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again"- "Read My Mind" The Killers

"When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I wanna mean it from the back of my broken hand
Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier"
- "All These Things" The Killers

"The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes
Looking at you,
Holding my breath,
For once in my life
I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,
Letting you inside."- "First Time" Lifehouse

"Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change your mind about what you think about God become like children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter (experience) the kingdom of heaven."- Jesus (Matthew 18:3)

"This mystery is very great."-Paul (Ephesians 5:32)

"It was God [personally present] in Christ, reconciling the whole world with Himself, not counting up and holding against [men] their trespasses [but cancelling them], and committing to us the message of reconciliation (of the restoration of all things)."- Paul (1 Corinthians 5:19)

I've been thinking a lot in the last month of cryptic creation. The idea that there are things both in us and all around us that inevitably lead us to a bigger story. Jesus says a lot of cryptic things. It's as if he enjoys leaving things out there, for you and I to fully dive into and discover. The mystery is out there to be embraced and discovered. Let me give a few snippets.

*Let's say that someone that you trust comes along and says "I know what your life looks like.I know what happens." Let's say that you really believe them and know they know what they're talking about and aren't missing medication. What would you say? Would you really want to know? Really? The people that I presented with this question said they wouldn't want to know. Next one.

*A friend sees that movie that you have waited expectantly to see. He comes to you, giddy, about his moviewatching experience. He begins to share. Now he's sharing too much and giving things away. What do you say? After all, if the movie sucks he could be saving you money and potential misery. Again, the people I presented with this scenario all said they would say "shut up, already" or slap the person on the head or both. Why? That's the real question and where the brilliance of Jesus comes in.
The truth is that as much as we like to know the answers, we love mystery. We want to discover is for ourselves. There is this core, created curiousity in us, gang, both of people and life. Typically, at what season of our life are we most curious
and open and loving and not worrying?

"You can't experience the kingdom of Heaven (how things are supposed tobe) unless you have faith like a child" - Jesus

The truth is that we die when we lose our curiousity, creativity, and questions with life. Maybe you grew up or are currently in a religious community or community environment that doesn't value questions. Maybe they see it as anti-spiritual or anti-Jesus. Jesus speaks in cryptic ways because, I believe, he understands that the people that are willing to be open and pursue it will and those who don't won't.

"Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened."

Maybe you remember a time where you were curious and alive and someone shamed you in the name of god. It killed your heart and you haven't been the same since. What if asking questions and honestly pursuing them was a sign of healthy spirituality? I believe that it is. It's our universal createdness, gang. Everyone thinks about things, but not everyone feels validated in that journey. So my question, to you is "What questions are you pursuing? What thoughts are you engaging? Are you owning your spiritual journey? Are you sharing your journey with others? Asking them the questions you're pondering?" I believe, we find what we're looking for, in the end. We find what we were created to discover.

Here's something I've been pondering a bit more lately. When I ask the question, "Do you think things are the way they're supposed to be?", I've had no one say "Yes, I love how everything's working so perfectly in the world." The question then is how do I know things aren't supposed to be this way. What's the core of that, the heart of it? We all know the moments, where we've been apart of something (a conversation, embrace,gathering, concert, service endeavor, whatever) and knew something bigger was happening. Those moments give hope. We feel alive. What if when we are involved in a moment that's "how things should be" or if we help make things right we are bringing something much bigger to life? God IS love.

Human "Be"ing

"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones." -"Fix You" by Coldplay (watch this on YouTube)

"The Light came into the darkness and the darkness didn't understand it (didn't have a compartment for it!)" - John 1:5

"There was the true Light, which coming into the world, enlightens every man." - John 1:9

"In Him was life and the life was the light of men." - John 1:4

"While you have the Light, believe in the Light, so that you may become sons of Light." These things Jesus spoke and then He went away and hid himself - John 12:46

"You are the light of the world" - Jesus

"My yoke is easy...my burden is light" - Jesus


Can I believe that God values and loves me just "as I am"? We carry shame. We carry wounds. We carry lies. We carry broken images of God. We carry light. Wounded healers. What does it look like to let light into tough places in my life/heart? Many of us have become masters of hiding. Sometimes we hide behind smiles. Sometimes we hide in work. Sometimes we hide in religious activity. Sometimes we hide in substance abuse. Sometimes we hide in unhealthy relationships. Some avenues of hiding are socially "frowned upon". Other avenues are applauded. All of it, at the core, is rooted in a belief that "I'm not lovable or acceptable as I am. God certainly wouldn't."


I don't know what en"lightening" for you could/would look like. I don't know how you're week has been. I don't know what you're thinking, believing, feeling, wishing, hoping right at this moment. I DO know that you are loved.....just....as....you.....are. Past the hiding and the tools that we use to hide...past the shame that put us in hiding in the first place...past the wounds that brought the shame...loved...accepted...worthy...valued...right there. In that place. "As I am". I pray that you embrace that idea as it's always embraced you. I pray that you are thinking about, encouraged on, or remembering with joy the healing journey. More than anything, I pray that in the depths of you...in this moment...you know...that you really, really matter. You aren't an accident. You aren't stupid. You aren't worthless. You matter...more than you and I can know right now. You're loved...just as you be. It's in that place that light takes on a "whole" new meaning and that "being" light becomes more and more intriguing as the house of my life lights up. Shalom!

At hand....

Frankly, alot of stuff that Jesus says is both fascinating and crazy to me. The gospels say that Jesus often went about the countryside teaching the "kingdom of Heaven is at hand". Interesting statement. The phrase at hand can be translated as "around you to be experienced". The kingdom of Heaven is around you to be experienced. The way things are supposed to be. God's dreams for creation....at hand. I grew up in a "when we all get to heaven" religious concept, which certainly had it's benefits, but often ignored any creativity or real action in following our hearts to bring God's dreams to life.

How are things supposed to be then? I believe that we are all created with this core curiousity and sense of something bigger about life. I've asked the question to many friends, "Do you think things are they way they're supposed to be?" Every person has said "No, I don't". The next question is "How do you know things aren't supposed to be like this?" How do we know? I think that's absolutely fascinating. We have a soullish sense that things should be better.

What does God dream? What does God hope for? What do you I/you hope for and dream? For you life? Family? Friends? Community? The planet? I've yet to hear someone "dream" for pain and harm in these areas. I've met multiple people who really haven't thought about it but are open to chewing on it. What if when we pursue these hopes and dreams we are mystically bringing God's hopes and dreams into being? "The kingdom of Heaven at hand". I'm thinking about this alot lately. There you go.

The Obligatory Intro...

Hello, hello.

My name is Brad Hill. Married to Raegen...31...live in Olathe KS. 2 dogs...1 cat. On staff at Olathe Life Fellowship. Love sports. Love helping people discover/internalize who God is, how He sees them, and everyone. Love teaching and having conversation over a vanilla latte, Boulevard Wheat, or Cohiba. I'm a big fan of OU (Oklahoma Sooners, for the sports novices), Chicago White Sox (2005 World Series Champs), New Orleans Saints, and general sports conversations. I also love to engage in making things right in the world....specifically with AIDS orphans in Africa. Went to South Africa 3 years ago and learned the word "sawobona". Literally means "I see you". More than an indifferent greeting, it speaks to value and seeing the heart of someone as a human being loved and created by God. Lovely stuff. You'll find random musings along with past and present devo thoughts in the future. There it is. Obviously appreciate feedback and I hope that OU beats Texas by 40 Saturday....at halftime!