Honest Roads

"The more you see, the less you know.
The less you find out as you go.
I knew much more then, than I do now."

-U2 "City of Blinding Lights"



"God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
God: Now THAT'S a prayer."

-"Bruce Almighty"



"I wish to talk to you today not about technical matters of law. I wish to talk to you about something more important. I wish to talk to you from the heart. Because today ... for the first time in my life ... I stand before you -- naked ... vulnerable ... and in love. Love. It's a word we matrimonial lawyers avoid. Funny, isn't it? We're frightened of this emotion which is, in a sense, the seed of our livelihood. Well, today Miles Massey is here to tell you that love need cause us no fear. Love need cause us no shame. Love is ... good. Love is good. Now, I am of course aware that these remarks will be received here with cynicism. Cynicism: that cloak that advertises our indifference and hides all human feeling. Well, I'm here to tell you that that cynicism that we think protects us, in fact, destroys. Destroys love, destroys our clients, and ultimately destroys ourselves!"

-Miles Massey(George Clooney) in "Intolerable Cruelty"

"Beloved, let us love one another, because love comes from God and everyone that loves is born of God and knows Him. The one who does not love, does not know God because God is love....This is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us."

1 John 4

"Where we're going, we don't need roads."

-Back To The Future (Doc)

What I know to be true about God, gives me the freedom to pursue what I don't know.

God's love is bigger than my understanding of grace.

This season (2 years) of my journey is quite fascinating for me. For the first time in my life, I'm feeling the freedom to pursue and deal with questions that have been stirring in my heart for quite sometime. We can suppress those questions and pretend that they will go away or we can find safe places and people to process them. I don't think that most of us necessarily need answers to the questions...I think for the most part we just need to know that our questions matter and they are valid. We didn't "miss the boat" on some things. The very fact that we are created by a mysterious and incredibly loving God dictates that questions will be there. I think many of us have grown up in religious communities that don't enable or validate questions. We "figure it all out" because we trust the people who "figured it all out". The problem with this so often is that doesn't enable us to own our journeys. "Don't ask questions, just do it." The beauty is embracing my journey and embracing the mystery of it all.

Is God really omniscient(all-knowing)? Is He really omnipotent(all-powerful)? Is He really in control of everything? Does He have a perfect plan? Really? All valid and good questions that I'm feeling the freedom to journey on these days. If God knows everything, then He either creates people that He doesn't choose or He creates people that He knows won't choose Him. Interesting. Stretching. If He's in control of everything and He already knows what's going to happen in minute detail.....why pray? If God is something other than love, I doubt few of us would take or feel the freedom to journey down some of these honest roads. More and more I'm learning to embrace the mystery while enjoying the journey.

It's interesting to me that we have so many questions when we're young and often we are so enamoured with life. Somewhere along the way, we lose that journeying heart I think. We think that the more answers we get the more problems will be solved and the more of life that will be explained. Some of that is true. We get God "figured out" and then life happens. Our perspective of God doesn't fit reality and when we really feel free to think through things , it doesn't work....there's a crisis...and often we get a new box...maybe a bigger one, but still a box.

Here's my hope for you this season. I hope that you take and feel the freedom to journey and ask questions and think and process your heart. I hope that you know that in and through and from it all is a God who is madly in love with you. I hope that you know that literally "nothing can seperate you from His love which is in Christ". I hope you think of days in youth when you had more questions than answers....and were okay with it. I hope you have honest conversations with people in safe places with people who don't throw stones. I hope you embrace and dance in the journey.