Sawobona to the Masses: Craziness

First of all thanks so much to many many of you for your thoughts, prayers, help, food, texts, calls, visits, etc. during the last week. Amazing to be doing life with so many of you guys in a variety of ways and avenues.

I was coming back from OKC Sunday and my right calf/leg felt tight and hurt. I didn't think much of it...just thought cramp, or muscle strain. It'll go away tomorrow. Woke up Monday and it didn't go away. It was worse. Went to work early and was stretching it a good bit to get the "muscle strain" out. Told Greg, my supervisor, I think it would be good to take an extended lunch and head to the walk-in clinic to see what's up and get muscle relaxers or something. Went there...doctor checked it out...said it could be a strain or pull...could also be a blood clot...needed to rule that out. So I went to get a sonogram. I was waiting in the waiting room...of course...to see what was up...no worries at this point. Tech calls me in to the talk to the doctor. "That's weird" I thought. He told me that I had a blood clot behind the right knee and would be admitted immediately. Wow. "Okay, I'll get admitted and then we'll be good to go Tuesday or something." He said the main dr. would be waiting for me in the registration area. I walked over there and he was running down.

Moments of clarity are what a lot of people call them. You never know when they happen. You never know when you'll hear words or see something that leaves you in tears, or makes you reevaluate everything, or leaves you more determined about your life and heart, or leaves you incredibly grateful. Sometimes you can feel it coming on. Most of the time you know it after the fact.

Dr. McGinnis met me in one of the registration booths. He asked the registration lady to leave b/c he needed to talk with me now. Doors closed.

"Do you know what's happening to you?"
"I know I have a blood clot behind the right knee."
"Do you know how serious that is and could be?"
"Not really"
"Do you know who Derrick Thomas is?"
"Yep" (He was a great defensive player for the Chiefs that died tragically and quickly a few years ago.)
"This is how he died."
"Are you saying I could die from this?"
"If not treated...yes"

I've never had someone tell me anything like that before. Maybe you have. Maybe most of you have. I never have. Never been admitted to the hospital. Never had an IV. Never broke a bone. On and on. Wanna know the first thing that came to mind? This may seem obvious, but it's an incredibly deep thought. "I really don't want to die." I've rarely felt more certain about something in my life. It's a really powerful thing to, in your depths, realize that. At least, it has been for me. I feel like I'm really starting to live and pursue the things on my heart more than ever. I love my wife...incredibly. Love my relationships. Community of friends and family. Job....most of the time...he he! The depth of that realization is pretty strong. To ask, "Do I really want to live?" For some, it's tough to answer that honestly just from a physical life perspective. "I wanna live, I don't wanna die." For some, it's tough to answer that from a emotional and relational perspective. "Life not working for me...I'm dying on the inside...I want to really live life!" Whatever the place for someone. It matters to be honest about the answer. It's powerful to be honest about the answer. It has been for me.

"Well, I know I don't wanna die! So I'll do whatever you tell me to do."
"You will likely be fine because you came here. Who knows what might have happened if you hadn't. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Completely."

I can't think him enough for being so laser with me. I appreciate that with people so much. The threat is for the blood clot to break off and then shoot up the vein to either the heart, lungs, or brain. In either case, if the clot is large enough, it's likely fatal. So I was admitted. My routine over the next few days consisted of 2 stomach shots a day along with oral blood-thinners, which I'm still on and will be for the next 4-6 months. No more stomach shots...woo-hoo! I got released from Olathe Med Thursday afternoon. Right now, I'm sitting on my couch...leg extended and resting...preparing to head back to work Wednesday. It's 11:30 as I write this...on Monday...1 week ago...you get the picture...crazy. There you go. You may find value in this. Maybe not. I just thought I would share. Again, thanks to so many of you for your visits, conversations, food, gifts, texts, etc. Nina, thanks so much for helping Raegen and I out last week in a moment's notice...you are a great friend. So many others of you that are on this journey together. Thanks. It matters. You matter.

"Mack, if anything matters then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again."

-taken from "The Shack"

"Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true
But you and I know what this world can do
So let's make our steps clear that the other may see
And I'll wait for you
If I should fall behind
Wait for me."

-Bruce Springsteen "If I Should Fall Behind"